I Had Faith Around Me—But Never In Me
A testimony of anxiety, infertility, and discovering the foundation of the world
He grew up in a conservative American home.
Faith was around, but it stayed in the background—like a dusty family photo no one really looked at anymore.
He was confirmed in the Lutheran church, went through the motions, and learned the right Christian words. But…. belief never really took root.
There were no heroes to imitate or deep sense of meaning to chase. So, he escaped instead—sports, video games, and distractions that made the days move faster.
But College? Well that cracked something new open.
Philosophy. Political science. Big ideas. Big questions.
For the first time, his mind felt alive. He flirted with the idea of becoming a professor—someone who could explain the world to others.
But that path felt risky. Unstable and too uncertain.
So he chose the safer option.
A Job, mortgage, and a marriage.
A respectable life. The perfect American dream, right?
Wrong. Underneath it all, there was an unsettling reality Kendall Sontag knew he was about to butt heads with.
Read on.
Related Article
The Descent
Everything looked successful.
But, in real life he was quietly unraveling.
He hadn’t really grown up—at least not where it counted. Debt piled up and responsibility felt heavy. That’s when entertainment became an addiction and avoidance became a habit. And, under the weight of all this, his marriage was quietly suffering a heavy strain that he had avoided.
Just when you thought that was already enough to handle, then came infertility.
Eventually, they were blessed with two children through a donor. A miracle, honestly. But instead of confidence, fatherhood exposed something painful.
He felt completely unequipped.
Leading a family felt like being handed the controls of a plane mid-flight with no training manual. This is when anxiety came in and took over.
So, he searched for answers everywhere except God:
Old philosophy books.
Self-help shelves.
Leadership podcasts.
Even the occult.
Nothing worked.
The Breaking Point
Then RSV hit the house.
Sick kids, crying, and chaos.
PAUSE HERE – For those with children, you know exactly how stressful this can become. Moving on…
And instead of stepping up, he froze.
Anxiety locked his body in place. He couldn’t even bring himself to be near his own children. That realization cut deeper than fear—it exposed how empty he really was.
In desperation, he turned on a podcast.
Jordan Peterson and Jonathan Pageau.
Then Pageau said something that landed like a brick to the chest:
The crucifixion is “the foundation of the world.”
“Well that’s terrifying to think about,” he thought to himself.
If that were true… then everything rested on something he didn’t understand—and certainly hadn’t submitted to.
Out of options, he stepped into the shower, dropped to his knees, and prayed to a Messiah he wasn’t even sure he believed in.
Just a simple promise:
If You save me, I’ll give You my life.
He felt nothing. Absolutely nothing. He didn’t feel changed in that moment, but he survived the day.
The Slow, Quiet Transformation
A few days later, something happened! A nudge that led him to go to church.
This time was different.
The songs actually made sense….and the sermon? Landed.
It felt like someone finally turned the volume up on a frequency that had always been there and over the next few months, everything shifted:
Responsibility replaced avoidance.
Old habits got cut loose.
Love started showing up in practical ways.
He grew hungry to know God and spent hours disappeared into theology and scripture. The same mind that once chased empty ideas was being retrained.
In July, he was baptized. Still no thunder. But a few days later, driving home from work, something happened. A wave of peace & love overwhelmed him. It was unmistakable.
Grace he didn’t earn.
Mercy he didn’t deserve.
The New Reality
Life didn’t become perfect—but it became anchored.
His marriage grew stronger, prayer became normal, and the family moved onto a piece of land that felt like provision, not coincidence.
Even social media—once an escape—got exposed for what it was. Another place to hide. So he walked away.
That old intellectual hunger didn’t disappear. It found its right place.
Scripture no longer felt like a collection of disconnected stories, but a single, intentional design—layered with structure, rhythm, and meaning. What once seemed random now felt held together.
Where he used to see emptiness, he now sees intention and order.
God’s fingerprints woven through everything.
And his purpose?
It isn’t complicated. It’s simply to learn what is true, live honestly, and pass it on to others.
Join Our Subscriber Chat
If you’re walking this battle and need a safe space to talk, pray, or find encouragement—join our Subscriber Chat on Substack.
We pray, talk honestly, and remind each other that freedom in Christ is possible.
Christian Hotline & Prayer Support
If you’re struggling or need someone to pray with you, please reach out:
National Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Dial 988
Focus on the Family Prayer Line: 1-877-771-4357
The 700 Club Prayer Line: 1-800-700-7000
Chatnow (24/7 Christian Chat & Prayer):
https://chatnow.org
Call to Repentance
If you’ve been trying to earn your way into heaven, it’s time to stop striving and start surrendering. Today can be the day everything changes.
The Bible says in 2 Corinthians 6:2, “Behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation.”
Don’t wait for a better moment. Turn from your sin, believe in the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross, and receive the gift of eternal life.
He is calling—respond to Him today.
Call to Action
If this message spoke to your heart, don’t keep it to yourself.
Share it with someone you love — and make sure to subscribe so you never miss more biblical truth, encouragement, and hope.
Let’s walk this journey of faith together.
© 2026 The Narrow Path Collective. All Rights Reserved.
Restack if it helped you. Please don’t copy and paste it elsewhere. If you quote it, credit and link back—thank you.
 | A guest post by
|
I enjoyed working on this with you, Thomas! I hope my story can help others and points them to Christ.
Wow, what a moving and relatable testimony.